What do I truly want in my life and from my life?

And if that question is not icky enough, here comes another: is my behavior aligned with my heartfelt desires?

Yoga is both the journey and destination to self-realization. What does that mean?
The answer is probably different to everybody, but for me it’s been (and continues to be) a deeper level of knowing who I am and what am I here to do.

All photography in this post by Wilma Hetemaj

Personal reflections

I think I had an exceptionally long crisis of existence, maybe from the age of 17 until about 27, I was desperately trying to find answers to these big questions of life - who am I and why am I here.

Are we just complex organisms floating on a big complex organism in eternally expansive space, or is there a purpose behind our existence?

I felt so very lost and confused, and the more I tried and searched for the answers the more I was lost and confused.

Around the age of 26, I had a great realization: no wonder I am lost because the life I’ve been building for myself is not based on my values and my standards at all, but the values and standards that I received throughout my life from the outer world.

I felt like the life I was living wasn’t mine, I was merely a side character - just trying to adapt into the roles of daughter, girlfriend, co-worker, employer, a productive member of society. I know that the roles were created by no one else but me myself - the people who I loved probably loved me back regardless of who I was trying to be or not to be… However, that year turned out to be very stormy in all areas of my life.

Little did I know, it was the beginning of rebirthing the new, more real and more authentic version of me.

It is indeed a long and ongoing journey, and whilst I am very aware (and actually in awe) of the fact that I still truly know nothing… I’d like to share a few insights I’ve gained so far.

The great unbecoming

The journey toward life that is more real, purposeful and free doesn’t come for free… First of all, it is a big process of shedding and releasing - most likely we are asked to let go of many things we hold to be true or perceive as right.

Also as far as I know, this phase of shedding, unbecoming, continues to unfold for the rest of our lives.

The conditioning started when we were only children. From a very young age, we’ve been guided toward a certain way of being and living. What does a good girl and boy do, what not, what feelings and thoughts are okay, what aren’t, which dreams are sensible and worth holding on to, which aren’t. Do this and don’t do that to earn your place in society; be this way to be worthy of love and acceptance.

What easily happens, we begin to suppress very natural parts in us - not only the ”bad and wrong” ones but also the ones that make us bright and beautiful beings; complete in this complex experience of what it means to be a human being. We start losing our sense of curiosity and excitement toward life because the box we’re supposed to fit in just leaves no space for exploration and expansion.

As adults we have two choices: either adapt into this box or start our journey of breaking free out of it. The first option certainly can lead to ”a good enough life”… but, I dare to claim, it can also lead to lacking a sense of purpose and certainly missing a deeper connection to who we truly are.

What if we are not meant to live a life that feels ”good enough”?

What if we want to feel more and be more and most importantly LIVE more?

What if, instead of watching our lives pass by, we actually started attending to it?

What if we were told that there is NO right and wrong way of feeling, living and existing? What if life is not supposed to be mediocre and what if we actually did have the right to claim our lives the way that feels most truthful to us?

Because we are all so wonderfully unique beings, there is no right and wrong way of living your life.

It is time for us to STOP SABOTAGING OUR FREEDOM with those external world expectations and social conditioning around who we’re supposed to be and how we are supposed to live!

Feeling a lot is better than feeling nothing

The journey ain’t easy - starting to get to know who we truly are and what is it that really matters for us will surface all of the shit we were once told to put aside.

Living a free life doesn’t mean living life with no pain - quite the opposite, because our journey toward authenticity and purposefulness will ask us to open up to all of us and all of life. Pain and pleasure, joy and grief are just other sides of the same coin and simply a core part of this human life experience. A really big step toward liberating yourself from the self-built cage is acknowledging the fact that life doesn’t always have to feel nice, but rather just simply FEEL.

We all have our ways of numbing ourselves from our stuff and society doesn’t really encourage us to feel more. We may have adopted different ways of coping with our pain and discomfort - drinking, smoking, eating, partying, fucking it away. Addiction is often a result of us just simply lacking the tools to deal with our feelings - instead of judging ourselves for our coping mechanisms, could we turn the gaze inwards and try to find out what it is that we are trying to escape or distract ourselves from?

Hint: where there is resistance, also lie keys to your freedom.

It is a practice of self study

On the journey of authenticity the path we’re asked to take is the unpaved one… there are no maps, no guides and no shortcuts. The only way through is straight in and since there are no roadmaps, we also need to be ready to get a little bit lost occasionally - how else would we know if the path is ours or not, if it wasn’t through lived experience?

Shifting from a goal orientated, really serious attitude toward something a little bit more adventurous and maybe even curious; and not being afraid of failure will really make things a little bit lighter!

The ultimate goal of yoga is self-realization. In other words, yoga is about gaining self-awareness and building a more honest and truthful relationship with yourself; getting to know ALL of you.

There are as many approaches to self-study as there are humans on this planet, but because I am a yoga nerd, I will offer you a yogic approach.

It can look like starting a daily meditation practice to deepen your relationship with yourself.

Or perhaps you already have an idea of who you are, but what is missing is your connection to your heart desires - this is when you’re invited to start dreaming big, and get really specific with your desires.

If my relationships are unsatisfying, what kind of relationship do I wish to have?

If my relationship to myself is toxic, how would I want to feel in my body and mind and how do I start prioritizing myself over trying to please others?

If I lack purpose with my work, what kind of work looks purposeful to me?

Then the action part - is my behavior aligned with this desire? Are there habits (thinking or acting) I hold on to that keep me away from my desires and how to replace these habits with something that supports my dream better?

We tend to be very external orientated in the way we live our lives - what I’ve come to learn is that the answers truly lie within. Radical moves in our external reality are not always necessary, or let’s say maybe in some cases there will be radical changes in our lives too, but they are more sustainable and cause less suffering around us if we only trust that it is a matter of inner work.

The main shift happens in our awareness and through that, the perspective we view ourselves and our lives through starts to widen and expand.

With first hand experience - quitting your day job and moving your life to Bali may not be the fix what you're looking for; most likely the same issues will arise even if you change your surroundings to something nicer. Then on the other hand, you are the only one who really knows what supports you and your journey… There are no right or wrong options in life, also “the wrong choices” will give you what you need in order to establish a deeper relationship with yourself.

Your life is YOUR creation, and whilst guides and external support can be really beneficial, never hand your power away to anyone or anything outside of YOU.

Follow the joy

One of the greatest pieces of spiritual advice I’ve ever received is an invitation to follow the joy.

Yoga says that inside each and every one of us exists a light, and that light is both linked to our most authentic self, and a source of ever-fulfilling, self sustained wealth of joy.

So, whenever we are in the experience of pure joy, we are also connected or at least very close to our soul.

What brings joy to one can be the worst nightmare of another (think of someone who is hooked on jumping off airplanes compared to someone who enjoys staying home and knitting for example…).

Figure out what sparks joyfulness in your being, and commit to dedicating as much time to that thing as you can - it is guaranteed that not only will your life become lighter and more purposeful but you also will start to gain an understanding of who you really are.

Your permission is your existence

You don’t need anyone’s permission to start living your life the way you want, your existence alone is enough reason and consent to start living your life the way that feels real and purposeful to you.

This leads to one last point - lives end and begin in every given moment. Every breath you take is basically a miracle - I know it might sound dramatic to some but it truly is a gift to be alive.

A practice of reverence for life; gratitude for being alive, is one reeeaaallly great way to not only raise our vibes but also to start to connect with more meaning and purpose.

It is a gift to be born on this planet with human body, mind and heart…

Why waste it on living a life that doesn’t belong to you?

Yoga as a Journey Toward More Purpose and Freedom in Life